I had forgotten that small town life only has a Walmart. All I needed was dog food and glue. AirPods in, let’s make it a quick in-and-out.
The dog food aisle is packed. I’ll come back in a little bit.
Then, stupidly, I decided I needed to grab a rotisserie chicken. I was jamming along to my playlist, looking at the rotisserie chickens, when someone tapped me on the shoulder.
I turn around and there, standing in front of me, is a woman about my age. No clue who she is.
“Excuse me, do you know where I can find the lactose-free ice cream?”
“Me?” I say.
“I said, where is the lactose-free ice cream?” she said louder.
AirPods come off.
“Ma’am, it’s probably in the frozen food aisle with the dairy ice cream.”
She looks annoyed. “No, I looked there. All they had was vegan and I need lactose-free.”
“Well, I don’t know what to tell you. Have a good day.”
I go to grab my emotional support rotisserie chicken.
“Well, do you know where an associate is so I can check?” she asks, slightly nicer.
Why did I come to this damn store?
I take a deep breath.
“Ma’am, no I don’t. You can probably find one stocking shelves who can help you.” I say as sweetly as I can.
“No, they all disappeared. I just need the lactose-free ice cream for my dog’s birthday. He’s getting up in years, and I want him to have special treat.”
Damn it, Walmart. Every time.
“Oh, I’m sorry, but I haven’t been in this Walmart in a long time.”
She gives me a crooked smile. “Honey, it’s Walmart. They’re all the same no matter what crack in the earth you fall into.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Well, I guess you aren’t wrong.”
I looked longingly at the few rotisserie chickens and whispered, “I’ll be back.”
“Okay, let’s head down the dairy aisle and see what they have.”
She grabs her cart, and I follow.
“So how old is your dog?” I ask, now that I’m on a special ops mission for this poor dogs favorite ice cream.
She smiles. “He is going to be 16 next week. He used to be able to eat normal ice cream, but he’s getting older and can’t tolerate it well. And this might be his last birthday.”
“Getting older can be rough,” I say as we turn the corner into the dairy aisle.
It’s packed. Reunions happening all over the place.
The boss huffs. “These people, I swear…”
She looks at her phone, then back up. “Come on, they are just going to move.”
Oh God, no.
We spend a few minutes looking for ice cream. Nothing.
“Ma’am, do you know what kind it is?”
She pops up. “Didn’t I tell you? Sorry, it’s Ben & Jerry’s Peanut Butter Half Baked Non-Dairy.”
Of course it’s non-dairy. Of freaking course. And wouldn’t you know it, it’s right were the group of people are standing taking selfies. Oh, this should be good .
I just point down the aisle.
She turns looks, her face goes bright red. She stands there a minute then walks past her cart and up to the group.
One of the women is posing with a guy. My new boss walks right up, gets in the picture with them, and says,
“Oh, we’re doing selfies? That is great. My hair looks amazing. Let’s all take one together.”
They are stunned.
She whips out her phone holds it up. The people start stuttering and making excuses to leave.
I am dying laughing. I’ve never seen people scatter so fast.
I grab our carts. “Well, I’ve got to say that was pretty funny to watch.”
She laughs. “Well, who in the world takes selfies in Walmart? And in front of the ice cream. At least make it to the front of the beer or electronics.”
“Can’t argue with that logic.”
We start looking for the ice cream.
She claps her hands, opens the cooler, and pulls out her “lactose-free ice cream.”
“Ha! We found it. Thank you for being patient with me. I appreciate it,” she said happily.
“No problem. You seem like you would either find the ice cream or be the top story on the news tonight.”
She laughs. “Well, you aren’t wrong, but I figured I could use some backup. So thanks.”
Wait. What?
Okay.
She thanks me again, and I go back to get what I came for. As I get to the front, I remember my rotisserie chicken and head back that way.
And of course, they are sold out.
Damn dairy-free ice cream.
Marlee wasn’t thrilled with my reason for being gone so long, or that I didn’t get a chicken.
