Because first of all, life isn’t that serious.
A while back I was doing badass nana stuff. You know, checking for monsters under the bed and fighting them off when one was found. Rescuing Snoop on the stoop from a visit to the porcelain throne.
When someone knocked on the door.
“This late in the evening, it can’t be good ,” I muttered.
I stood there, momentarily frozen, deciding between answering or hoping the person moved on.
But Little Red gave our position away with the call of her people. A very excited scream.
“Thanks, Reba, for letting them know we are here,” I said, walking toward the door.
They knocked again, more forceful this time. Okay, now I was annoyed.
I looked at little Reba “I don’t know who they think they are, banging on the door like that. But they are about to get an earful.”
She agreed, clapping her little hands.
I didn’t even bother looking through the peephole. I swung the door open, and it was the neighbor, looking very panicked and sweaty.
“Hey, sorry to bother you. I know it is late, but by any chance, when you were out walking earlier, did you come across Sasha?”
I just stared at him “Sasha?”
“Yeah, Sasha. My pet ball python.”
My heart stopped. Little Red chose that moment to add her gibberish to the situation.
Before I could say no, he shoved his phone in my face with a video of Sasha. She was an ugly, slithering pretzel. I took a step back.
Without thinking, I said, “My God, she is ugly,” and shoved the phone away.
That didn’t deter him at all. “But have you seen her? I came home and she must of gotten out of her enclosure. The door was open, and I have searched the entire house. The patio door was open, so I think she escaped.”
“No I haven’t seen her!”
That is when I noticed that Little Red had decided to scale the bookshelf. God help me.
I went to retrieve her, and the neighbor followed me in, still talking in a panic. “She just ate, so I don’t see her going for any of the pets in the neighborhood. But I am afraid someone will see her and try to steal her or get rid of her.”
As he talked, I carried Little Red around, looking for the step stool and watching everywhere I stepped. I found it dragged it to the middle of the living room. I flipped it open and climbed up, Little Red on my hip.
“She is about four feet long, so I guess you haven’t seen her,” he said, looking around like he thought she might be here. He looked at me standing on the step stool.
“Why are you on the step stool?”
I couldn’t believe he even had to ask me this. “Because there is a wild, slithering pretzel on the loose, and the last thing I want is for it to wrap around my ankle when I sit down. I am not getting taken out like that!”
This man had the nerve to laugh. “She won’t hurt you. If she did that, it would just be her way of giving you a hug. She is really friendly.”
Little Red was also giving her opinion. Great. Not helpful.
“Larry, do you think Sasha has made her way over here? Is that why you are here?” I said as calmly as I could.
Little Red just bounced on my hip, having the time of her life.
He looked around, then at his phone. “No, I don’t think so, but you seem like the type that would overreact if you found her hanging out here.”
“You’re damn right I would overreact! Larry, go look around. Me and Reba are going to stay up here until you come back and tell us it’s all clear!”
He nodded and headed down the hall. “Larry, I can’t believe that thing got loose or that I didn’t know you had a damn python. All the times we chat, you could have mentioned this.”
Little Reba started clapping and jabbering.
“This is just another fun game with Nana to you.” I said.
I heard a blood-curdling scream from outside. Larry came running, yelling, “Sasha, baby, hold on, I am coming!” And with that Larry found his damn Sasha.
Because why not have an ancient predator roaming around on a random Monday night in the neighborhood, scaring people.
Sasha had found her way to another neighbor’s swing. I hope she had the time of her life. Ugh.
Thanks for reading! More to come later from the “Because Why Not Series.”
